At Your Door
by suspensegirl
Summary: Post 1x14 - Jenny's victory wasn't the end of the world, but a very drunk, very heartbroken Blair Waldorf couldn't hold to that in her current state. And somehow, despite her denial that Chuck's daggers had actually hurt her, she ended up at his door. CB


A/N: Don't know where this came from, if it'll be a one-shot or continued, and really if it's gonna be any good. But, it's post 1x14 the same night.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

...

**Ch.1—Dejavu **

She'd known it would be difficult, nearly impossible maybe. It was the reason she'd been fully prepared to take off for France for a semester abroad. She'd have her bearings by then, and if she didn't, Serena could just visit her on holidays and she'd make a name for herself overseas. Oxford was a good school too.

Her heart dropped. Oxford wasn't _Yale_.

Of course she knew whose fault this was. The obvious culprit who had pushed her into this huge mess. Before that huge mistake in the back of his limo her biggest problem had been dealing with Nate's infidelity, both emotional and physical, his motives for things, his inability to let go of Serena – and apparently any other girl but her.

Okay, so that had been a major issue. One that broke her heart daily. One that made it hard for her to stand tall and pretend like everything was okay, that none of it bothered her because she was her own person. Queen of Constance. Envied by all. Adored by many.

Boyfriends were an accessory, not a necessity.

Which is why Chuck Bass was the source of all her agony.

Obviously.

And then even when she'd finally returned to him, when everything else had been ripped away by his doing. Then, he didn't want her. Then she was just another piece of meat he'd tasted and was now disgusted with. Probably one that gave him food poisoning. Or maybe had just tasted bad.

She swallowed hard, sinking further into the car seat as she tried to keep her tears at bay. What she really needed tonight was a Serena consoling session. She'd been the one to get her to stay after all. It was her job to make sure she didn't get up and leave again. After all, she knew the vulnerability in her, and how badly it'd been twisted this time around.

She'd _finally_ had Nate again. He was _finally_ responding to her like he had at the beginning, loving her, doting on her, including her in his family affairs, _requesting_ that she be involved.

It was as if Serena never happened, as if _Chuck_ never happened. They were back where they needed to be. Everything was perfect.

But damn Chuck and his feelings, his ultimatums and torturing rather, because he'd clearly proved wholly how much of a heart he had, which was nothing. None at all. He was heartless, soulless. She had been right not to trust him and to leave him when she did. If only she'd had such insight the night she broke up with Nate – which had also been a wise decision at that point in time. Nate needed time on his own. A break. By the time he was ready though, it was too late. Because she'd made the mistake of her life.

She'd let Chuck Bass imprint himself on her soul.

Her biggest focus when she actually let herself break down was on how she'd lost Nate, how she'd lost the love of her life when she'd just gotten him back. She was the one at fault this time, and unlike herself, Nate hadn't been as forgiving.

She accepted that though. She deserved it for sinking so low. It was Chuck Bass after all. Any act with him was considered vile and unforgivable, when it was a betrayal.

So, yes, Nate was the reason for her misery. It was hopeless, so hopeless, and heartbreaking. _He was her true love! _And now it was just…over between them. Maybe forever.

But every now and again, more often than she let herself remember, she was reminded that Nate wasn't the only reason she'd almost shipped herself off to France. Chuck had been the last straw. She'd been doubtful of his feelings initially and just when she'd begun to trust in them he'd played her. That was why she ended things. It had seemed like a game to him, a torturous horrible missile he'd shot at her when he sent out that Gossip Girl blast. But maybe there was more to it. Maybe she had feelings too and with everything else stripped away, she wanted to see if there was more. Because maybe she needed it.

But she'd been right after all. He was scum. Worse than scum. A jackass. A total basshole. He should rot in prison. And have his balls cut off. Without anesthetics. And definitely with it being caught on camera and streamed live on Gossip Girl.

That would serve him right. That would give him the misery she was feeling now.

There was a twinge in her heart that made her question that though. How even amidst the pain he'd still be smirking and mocking and laughing at her. Because he hadn't cared. Not once. And even that utter humiliation and excruciating pain couldn't change that fact.

So how she found herself in front of his door instead of at the new VanderWoodsen-Bass suite she would never know.

She'd drank a lot after Jenny had showed up with Nate at her table, reminding herself what she'd lost in love and was losing again in this battle to be Queen of Constance. She was definitely drunk. And heartbroken. And defeated. The tiny voice in the back of her mind that told her to just go home, get some sleep, call Serena in the morning and remember that tomorrow is another day and it wasn't the end… well, that voice was just ignored.

After too many very loud consistent knocks on her part, the door opened and she nearly fell through because she'd been leaning so heavily into her knocks.

"What do you want, Waldorf?" he asked, his drawl not so heavy but his irritation plain as day on his face. Still, he looked tired. _Had he been drowning in his miseries too? Did he have feelings after all?_

Without answering, or thinking really, she crossed the threshold, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

She moaned a little and then nearly tripped over herself as he stumbled a little from the impact. She broke away, nervously laughing suddenly. She managed to stop quickly, but then something caught her eye. She looked across the short expanse of the room and found her best friend, Serena VanderWoodsen, sitting on Chuck's couch.

In that moment, her head cleared. At least so that she was aware of what was happening, where she was, who she was with. The fog clouding her mind had cleared. She was still drunk, but some sense had come into her wavering brain waves. She'd walked in on this scene before.

Her, Nate and Serena. At Bart's brunch months ago.

"B," the blonde said urgently, surprised and clearly eager to explain.

Blair's jaw had dropped as she stood staring at her and then back at Chuck who said nothing. His expression was indecipherable.

"Oh…my god," she finally managed. Without warning tears sprang to her eyes. She dared not accuse Chuck because she was sure he'd slept with plenty of trash since the incident that had turned everyone against her. Assuredly before that too. Probably even when they were "together", if you could even call it that.

"It's not what you—"

"What are you doing here?" Chuck interrupted, his gaze finally forming a distinct mood. Confusion and irritation. Maybe disgust. At least that was the sense she was getting when he wiped his mouth of her kiss and dragged his hand on his pant leg to erase her.

She half-laughed, half-cleared her throat. Then she paused, willing herself not to cry. She was drunk and she knew she might not remember this. But it felt so real, and she felt sane, sober, in a way.

"Nothing." She pursed her lips tightly together, looking away.

"B," Serena tried again, but Chuck held out his arm to keep her from approaching her best friend who was clearly about to break down and run out the door. Either that or start yelling and hitting him.

Blair's eyes searched theirs desperately. Her lip trembled.

"Nothing," she whispered. "I just…goodbye." She barely squeaked out her last words and turned for the door. And left.

…

A/N: Yep, this is gonna be a multi-chap. My apologies. Don't know when I'll update or how often. I was just inspired.


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